yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
