Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize