Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
