bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
