after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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