im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
