I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
