Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
