You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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