She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
