The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
