I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
