I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
