You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
