I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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