Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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