Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
