it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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