i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
