shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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