I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The best revenge is premature balding
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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