I hate all girls vehemently.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
