then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
