Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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