I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
