for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A bitchslap is in order.
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