I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
