I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
