If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
