haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.