Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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