Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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