I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again