I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.