all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.