Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
its not stalking. its research.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.