What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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