I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole