your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am one with the molecules