oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.