you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.