sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible