would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
