your parents love me but you hate me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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