dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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