He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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