so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
