I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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