Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
