I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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