No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My feet surprised me
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