I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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