new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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