Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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