Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Pappa wants mamma naked
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
