Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
