from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
