I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
