***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
