He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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