I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
