I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
