We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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