There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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