just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
