Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
