If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
