I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
