I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
